Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Harsh Reality About Staying Home.

I am not good at staying at home.  

Admission, once one is beyond the guilt-induced breakdowns, is the first step to recovery.

Usually, I attack anything in front of me with fervor, but the state of the house, my malaise about Christmas, and my newfound hatred of cooking indicate I am not on anyone's "Household CEOs To Watch" list and if I don't excel at it, I don't want to do it.  

Further making me come to grips with reality was the cry of relief I experienced today when I stepped into a pair of shiny black heels and saw my former self in the mirror. "Oh, hi there," she said with shock on her face, "It's so nice to see you again!"

I love my little boy, but our current set-up isn't working.  I blame myself for not having seen this coming.  C-suite jobs are mostly headaches and bureaucracy masked with fancy titles and perks.

I miss the real world, the same one that kicked my ass out of it when I rose up to meet it after maternity leave.  However, there is a tiny possibility that re-entering with a job that does not require 70 hours a week may be manageable.  There is also a large possibility it will be easier than the manual labor required of stay-at-home moms everywhere.  Anyone who faults women who stay at home or judges them for taking the assumed "easy" path  should be publicly bludgeoned with a briefcase.  

Mama needs a new pair of (interview) shoes.


 



20 comments:

  1. I totally agree. I used to think they were taking the easy way out. Then I had a kid and there are times I am so exhausted on Sunday from the weekend, that I can't wait to get back to work.

    It's nice having adult interaction, a sense of accomplishment, and a warm meal every once in awhile. Not that SAHM don't have that, I just didn't in my time on maternity leave.

    Good luck finding something . . . soon!

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    1. There are nights when I curl into a ball and can't move from physical exhaustion! Who knew?

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  2. Good for you for knowing what you need! I hate that moms have guilt if they stay home and guilt if they go to work.

    I always wanted to stay home with Henry but it wasn't an option. Turns out I went back to work and started working on a Masters and I love doing it all. I LOVE HIM. (I don't need to say that.) But I also love that I am smart and successful and am working towards being something great all while parenting.

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    1. That's what I want! I want to do something for myself, be a great parent, and not feel guilty. I don't think it's too much to ask.

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  3. I feel ya lady. I'm working 35 hrs/week right now and it's okay. I'd prefer 25 (or the flexibility to work from home sometimes), but beggars can't be choosers, right? :) Good luck with those new interview shoes! :)

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    1. Thank you!! And good luck with the bday party!

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  4. I think the key is finding the right balance. If I could work part-time, I think I'd have it right. As it is, I've lucked into a full-time job I can actually leave behind at five (most days). It gives me a respectable line on my resume, time to be an adult and use my brain, and enough time at home that I can still make dinner and have real family/baby time every day. Good luck finding what's right for you!

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    1. I want either part-time or what you have in your full time job. There's a (large) part of me that feels I should go for the best job I can get since I worked my a$$ off for the past six years, but then I remember how close I was to complete and total nervous breakdown when I was trying to do the job I spent those six years getting to and raise a child.

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  5. I am totally feeling you right now. I just had a (kinda) melt down this afternoon. I am a teacher, which is typically a job that requires more than most people think. I am finding that I have a hard time juggling everything. Part of me LOVES what I do but part of me REALLY wants to stay at home and work for someone who appreciates me more. However, I think I might go crazy if I stayed home full time. What a conundrum! Best of luck making those important decisions.

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    1. I knew it was time for a change when someone I don't know well asked how I liked staying at home and I said without thinking about it, "I'm about to lose my mind." It. Is. Hard! But so is working with a baby - it is a conundrum!

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  6. Everyone told me each day would get easier when I returned to the 40 hour work week in March after maternity leave but I'm still waiting. In the mean time, I try to juggle it all and feel guilty at work about home and guilty at home about work. Obviously, I wish I could try out the sahm gig but am guessing I would be writing a similar post in a matter of weeks. Sigh. I hope you find a balance, there has got to be the best of both worlds... good luck!!!

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    1. Everyone told me that, too, when I went back and I feel the same way you do - it was bs. If there is balance to be had, I am going to hunt it down and own it!

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  7. It always amazes me how strongly all us mothers feel about these things, and yet how different our personal conclusions end up being! Me, I did the working mom thing for the first year of my son's life and hated every minute of it. I was so, so miserable, I can't even tell you. I get hives at the thought of going back. I think in the future (like, when my kids are jr. high/hs age), I'd like to go back for my masters and start teaching @ the college level...but in low key I pick my own schedule kind of way. I agree that staying home is crazy hard, but for me, it's hands down where I'd rather be. But for pete's sake, girl...go get yourself an interview!!! Just don't stop blogging ;).

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    1. I felt the same way about work when I went back, but I'm starting to feel the same way about being home. So, I think for me, it's about a better balance. I can't work 70 hours a week an office or at my house. My husband recently asked me where his "calm, cool, assured" wife went. I almost punched him. I think everyone will be happier if I have just a little something to do!

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    2. ps - I'll never stop blogging! Maybe I can sit in meetings and write posts like I used to...I mean, I never did that.

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  8. I went back to work when my son was 5 months old and after seven years of balancing corporate job and mom duties, I finally realized I could ask for what I really wanted. When I told people that I wanted to work part-time, still do strategic work, and spend more time with my family they would laugh and say, "Wouldn't we ALL like that?!" But I asked for it and ended up with a choice of two great options: a part-time job with a company that was open to flex schedules or a role with a start-up agency where I would basically be my own boss. I picked the latter and, one year in, I could not be happier. You can do it!

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    1. I told my boss what I wanted when I went back to work and he agreed but it just didn't work out in reality. Working from home one day a week was not possible in that environment. However, I feel refreshed and ready to find exactly what I want, no compromising!

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  9. I completely agree! I work 3 12 hour shifts as a nurse. I get the best of both worlds. I get to work full time and stay home two days a week. My friend asked me the other day about how hard it was coming back from maternity leave. It was hard, but I feel like I need to work for my own psyche. I need to feel productive. I need to feel good about myself so I can be a happy healthy mom for my son. There is no way I could have stayed home for as long as you have!! There are days when it is tough coming home at 7 and putting him to bed at 8. But then the next day we have all day together! It is worth it to me. I hope that you can find everything that will make you happy!

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    1. I've gotten to that point of needing to do something for me to be better for him and it's an odd thing to admit that staying home isn't bon and bons and MTV all day.

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  10. I'm sorry you're having a hard time :( good for you for acknowledging what you want and going for it! And even though it's hard right now, I'm sure once you're back to work you'll be able to look back fondly on your time at home and be happy that you were able to do it for a while.

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