A Response.

Hi there everyone. This is annie's dog. While she's gone on vacation I wanted to share my side of the story.

She says she hates me and while I'd agree that our relationship is not at its height, hate is much too strong a word. She seems to get fiercely frustrated by many, err most, of my choices but I can tell when I lick the new little guy that we still have a spark.

Speaking of him, I tried to tell her for MONTHS he was on his way and she didn't understand. I nudged her stomach to convey that it wasn't just the extra bowls of ice cream growing in there and got no response. I followed her around like a jerky Doberman watchdog and just got reprimanded for always being in the way. I even rolled all over the rug in the new room they built for me shouting, "this will be perfect for the person in your stomach!" but she just got overwhelmed by how much I loved it and told me to get out. I obeyed.

When she and the man I love came home with the little guy ecstatic that he was here I was just like, "This isn't news, people, he's been around for months!"

We got to hang out forEVER, just the three of us, while the man I love went wherever he goes during the day. I was super helpful during this time, barking at any and all service workers who approached our backyard and trying to help annie when she was playing with the little dude on the floor via licks of encouragement. I did the same whenever she tried to nap on the couch. I could tell she was incredibly tired so I would stand extra close to her face and tell her she was doing a great job.

Seems that she listed five things she hates about me and I feel that I should explain. I've tried to explain it to her in person several times, but she's always vacuuming. I'm hoping that the printed word will prove stronger than the spoken or barked.

1. I guess I stood a lot when he got in the thing that takes us places for an entire day. I was so far away from everyone in the way back! I just wanted to see her, see my boy, and get a little AC action in the face.

2. While standing, I guess I breathed a little too heavily on her mom. I felt loopy. She gave me some funny peanut butter before we left and I had a hard time judging appropriate personal space boundaries for the next 18 hours.

3. She doesn't like when I roll in raccoon poop or any other variety. This is a matter of personal preference. She sprays Givenchy and thinks it smells fabulous. I think it smells like horse vomit, but you don't hear me complaining or trying to hose her down, do you?

4. I guess I woke her and the little guy up too early the other morning. When the little guy gets her attention, he gets food right away. I thought the same would apply to me. It was a risk that didn't pay out.

5. She didn't want to bring me on vacation and she shouldn't have worried. Some girl who lives next door is feeding me and letting me out. Time apart is just what we need. She and that little guy can be a lot to handle!

What? You heard the little guy is seconds away from crawling? Ruh-roh. (This is really how I say 'uh-oh.' I'm not trying to be funny or add color. Most dogs talk like Scooby-doo in real life.)

Anyone interested in boarding a lovable Golden Retriever?