I'm Not Going To The Mall For 15 Years.

Yesterday, I headed to the mall in search of baby gift and some new wedges.

Things did not go as planned.

To cope with the horrific events, I've blocked out most of the day and have only snippets of the highlights left in my memory bank. They include:

1. A shoeless little boy running out of the play area and into the jewelry store across the way.
2. A frustrated little boy arching his back, turning almost 180 degrees in his stroller, and screaming like he is being branded with hot iron.
3. Me crawling into the dressing room next door to retrieve a cup of Kix which was furiously thrown when it became clear that little boys do not get out of their strollers while mom is trying on jeans.
4. A determined little boy pushing an umbrella stroller into walls but shrieking when his mom tried to guide the vehicle.
5. A curious little boy pulling shoes off the display tables to his left and right. The rhinestones and sparkles this season are truly things of wonder to a 17-month-old.
6. The chuckles from women whose children were either in school or grown.
7. The downright horrified looks from people who have no children and who will probably now reconsider their inclination to breed.

I bought nothing and left behind a wake of crushed Kix and destruction that surely make me unwelcome back at this particular mall. This was a brutal way to learn that for the next 15+ years all shopping must be of the online nature. Thank God I'm a Prime member.