Wednesday, January 16, 2013

An Open Letter to Ideal Image.

Dear Ideal Image,

Congratulations on your market penetration. In every major city I live in or visit I hear a peppy female radio personality touting your hair removal services. You have lasered your brand onto the American consumers' collective conscience, pun completely intended.

I have some questions for you, though, the first around your research. You say women spend an hour a week shaving. Who did you talk to? 

I ask because I don't spend an hour a YEAR shaving. Your target must not be moms or anyone with more important things to do than wash their hair. Perhaps you conducted research with women in the adult entertainment business? If so, you loaded the guns and should petition Harvard to be a case study. The men in the class would NEVER crack it because they might believe all women shave an hour each week, especially if they're not married.

My next question pertains to your positioning research. If the benefit of laser hair removal is truly an extra 52 hours in a year did your target tell you it would be wise to position this extra time as 60 more minutes for shopping? Kelly, the DJ on 107.9, claims your customers should use the gift of time bestowed by your lasers at the mall.

This blows my mind. If someone stole an hour a week from me of quiet shower time, I would hide it like a damn treasure chest and tack on an unnecessary 15 minutes to every shower.

Yeah, I know the math doesn't add up, but let's not get all judgmental about how many times I shower a week, ok?

Your research, and marketing team, missed the obvious.  

You offer a way to never shave EVER AGAIN. Smooth legs until the end of time with no effort from the legs' owner is enough. Stop right there. Don't get all weird with time saved. 

As many marketers do, you forgot to keep it simple. Raspy-voiced DJs and claims of an extra 52 hours a year and your farfetched claim leave me wondering about the quality of your laser hair removal. If your techs are anything like your marketing team, your clients should be very worried.

Lucky for you I am available for a marketing consult. I await your call.



  1. Oh man... I'm lucky if I remember to shave my legs every couple of WEEKS (especially during the winter). It's just NOT a priority of mine.

    1. That's exactly what I'm sayin'! Their market research is way off.

  2. They probably assume that women shower every day. I know women like that. I know men like that. If you figure 10 minutes to shave, however, it's still not 60 minutes. It would be 70. :) Unless they figure you slack on the weekends...

    Even before I had a child I wasn't that great at remembering to shower. I usually managed 2 in a week - don't judge me, it takes energy to shower and I have no reserves thanks to chronic pain issues. Now I manage 1 a week! I could probably swing 2, but again with the energy, and I have less NOW than I did before I had a child. HA! I do NOT know how these women with children manage to shower every day. I'm lucky if I manage to get dressed every day that I don't have school.

    I admit to be interested in the hair removal, however. I hate shaving. I would love to not have to do it any more. No more ingrown hairs! No dull blades that have to be replaced. Oh how nice to be able to actually spent my time in the shower actually relaxing a bit and letting the water hit my eternally sore muscles!!

    1. Laser hair removal sounds amazing, but not for time saved, right?

  3. I would like to have it done only for the reason that it sucks to end up at a wedding in a strapless dress with unshaven armpits. Yep, happened to me. No fist pumpin' at that reception... :)

    1. EXACTLY! Don't tell me about time saved, tell me about no more embarrassing weddings! I will costar in the TV spot with you bc it is a miracle of baby Jesus proportions if we get to a wedding and my husband doesn't say, "Oh my God! You missed a spot again!"

  4. Oh CRAP! Forgot to shave again!! Hey... I just saved ten minutes of shower time, I bet I'm saving at least a couple of hours a day already by just forgetting to shave every day, YAY me! And still... where does the time go?
    So, no, saving time isn't going to be a deciding factor in my choice to get or not get laser hair removal... no more bloody tracks around the house from unnoticed nicks from brand new blades, or no more awkward position to get that hard to reach spot behind my knee, or no more having to decline poolside invites due to deforestation issues down there, these are all reasons I could get behind!