Sunday, January 19, 2014

Dear Cervix.

Dear Cervix,

Hey there! It's been awhile since we've had a fireside chat, but it's time to open up and put it all out there again.

I know your job is relatively thankless. That damn uterus sees all the action and the praise, but without your support, she'd be nothing. Just so you know, everyone knows that, but I know when you hear, "My cervix is doing nothing," you shake your fist and yell back, "except sealing your offspring safely inside!" And the frequent comment of Debbie-Downers everywhere, "Dilating has little to do with actually having a baby," makes you huff and mumble, "I dare you to try and get it out undilated, sweetie."

I'd want to punch everyone in the face, too!

So listen, last time around, I may have called you some not nice names when you started dilating. That was about me, not you! I didn't know what was around the corner and I wanted you to stay put for the next 10 years if possible.

This time, you're starting early and I love it! Doc told me you are already dilating and effacing at just over 36 weeks.  Let's keep going. You are the girl at prom showing too much skin precisly because she's promiscuous, NOT the prom queen in a pink taffeta dress that's stapled shut. Got it? No false hope.

No, no, this has nothing to do with my sheer discomfort and desire to no longer be pregnant, this is about your prestige. It only takes a few centimeters to show the "honorable" ute that while she may do some heavy organizational lifting, when you say it's go time, she has no choice but to listen.

Think it through, keep doing your thing, and we'll talk soon.

Sincerely,
Annie

4 comments:

  1. Love it - hope it all goes smoothly from here on in!

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  2. I stumbled upon your witty rumblings when searching for the 24m asq survey. Can I just say I have literally peed the bed laughing.?? I hope it doesn't wick over to the hubby ;)

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    1. Glad to have you here! Fingers crossed for your hubby, as well ;)

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